Waiting for an Absolution ...

Waiting for an Absolution that Would Never Come

After all the time that we have spent apart
And the precious moments spent together
Few feelings have not found my voice,
Few words remain unsaid; whether

They are ones of love and adoration
Or hopes and dreams of future days
I tried to tell you everything I felt for you
Even when you set all those dreams ablaze.

So now, when I say I love you
And that I hope you're happy and content,
What I really mean is I hope you're not
And that you spend your days and nights in torment.

I hope that a smile never finds your face again
And your laughter never fills your soul
I hope that when you close your eyes you see my face
And that no one else will ever fill the hole

That you knowingly created in your life
When you decided you cared more about yourself.
I hope that everything brings me to your mind
And you find it hard to leave me on the shelf.

I no longer want the best for you,
I hope you're miserable and contrite.
I hope you cannot sleep and cannot eat,
Your days be empty and regrets haunt your night.

I hope that every minute you're awake
Memories of us crawl over you like locusts,
That knowledge of what we had, of what you gave away
Leaves you paralyzed and unfocussed.

I do not hope you're happy or adjusted
To the knot of regret and loss in your heart.
I hope you're wretched and you're suffering
From knowing it's all your fault this fell apart.

We could have had a perfect life together,
Our souls and bodies fit like puzzle pieces.
You were mine and I was wholly yours;
But now, I hope your agony and pain never ceases.